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i miss the old days, 
but i love the new ones.
i love spending time with the 
people i care about most.
this summer i'm pretty sure
my life is going to change.
but it's a good change i think.
maybe it will make someone 
realize how much i like him.
and maybe he won't care as much as
he does about what his bestfriend thinks.

my life has been great since the last time
i have written in here. 
i spent saturday night with two of my 
favoritest people in the world. 
and i just felt happy.
i feel like i can talk to them about
anything and not have to worry about anything.
and thats a very good thing. 

my summer is going to be good i think.
so far is it pretty good. 
i haven't dont any drugs.
i'm very proud of myself for that.
everyone at my house fights constently
so i am never home. 
i hate being around all the yelling it really get's old.
i hate how my mom is a clean freak.
and all my dad does is pick fights.
my sister is alway's with that girl now.
but i'm happy for her.




so you think you can tell
heaven from hell
blue skies from rain
can you tell a green field
from a cold steel rail
a smile from a veil
do you think you can tell

did they get you to trade
your heroes for ghosts
hot ashes for trees
hot air for the cool breeze
cold comfort for change
did you exchange
a walk on part in a war
for a lead role in a cage 

how i wish you were here
we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
year after year
running over the same old ground
of how we found
the same old tears
wish you were here

current mood: sad

man oh man.....
im really in a big pickle.
I really like this boy and he says he 
r e a l l y l i k e s m e t o o.
but i dont wanna hurt this other boy..
but i dont know know what to do.
please help me
<3// b i l l i e
 

current mood: busy

Today is the day i started living. 

Don't be afraid of the things that lie ahead. 
Once you concore them, 
It almost feel's as if you have the whole world in your hands.

Follow your heart not your head.
Because in the end you might 
End up regretting your decision.

Boys will be Boys.


Words of Advice:
Don't leave the one you Love
for the one you Like. 
Because the one you like
will leave you for the one they Love\\

Trust me on that one. 
Been there Done that.

I do have to admit... I have been a little to 
Friendly with a few boys lately. 
But hey.. sometimes you need it.


=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

My Mouth Is Full Of Love My Head Is Held In Shame

With Your Lips Pressed Tightly Up Against His Head
Does Your Body Still Scream My Name?

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

I’ve sure enjoyed the rain
But I’m looking forward to the sun
You have to feel the pain
When you lose the love you gave someone

i think i am finally going to tell him how i feel. and hopefully it will turn out good. i think it will because i talked to him on the phone today and he said something in spanish and i was like what dos that mean? and hes like it means your my meat haha because he was eating a sandwich. ahah so like he ment that without me he would have a plain snadwich. hahahaha. funny huh? hes so damn cute.

iloveyouall.

<3333333333333333333333

Oh my god have I done it again??

i have been great the past few days! dammnn it feels good. lets just hope i dont fuck it over by the time saturday comes/// as you all know The Rest show is saturday. woooh! im so excited.

my birthday is pretty much in like 5 days. yep... cant wait. I really like jeremy as you all know. haha. and today i found out he is not with kristy . . . and it made me happy. like woah. my exact thoughts were when i heard that were "I still have a chance! maybe it will all work out!" and i think its going to ... because if he didnt like me anymore he wouldnt have hugged me twice at hollywood. . . yeah.. hahaa im pathetic.

sshhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh i really dont want to go to school tomarrow. but ill live.

iloveyouall.

<3333333333333333333333

current mood: bouncy

[Hand of blood, I don't wanna feel, my heart is breaking]
[Hand of blood, I don't wanna see, my life is burning]

i have had a really good weekend. so my birthday is coming up in like nine days! i cant wait. and The Rest show is in like six days and i cant wait for that either. i had a really bad dream last night, it was so bad i couldnt go back to sleep so i got up and took a shower.

so i spent the whole weekend with Chelts. and it was great. i love her so much. shes my other half. i really kinda forgot how much fun we have when we are together. and i dont ever want to forget that again.

yeah yeah yeah yeah.

hahahah those are some pretty goddadmn funny pictures.we had fun.

<333333333333333

current mood: chipper

she will always live forever.

i wish i was special... your so fucking special..

:] so i have been through alot ALOT in the past few days of this week. yeah  i went to JRC not DT. yeah i lied. yeah i told a few people that i do love that i hate them. yeah people try to take away my best friend. but im over it.. im not going to hold on to the past...im trying to get up on top again. and it feels good so far. im tired of fucking up. im getting better grades in school and going to all of my classes. and on top of that im ungrounded tommarow. i know i havent been myself lately and that is no-ones fault but my own so dont go blaming anything on someone you dont like. im tired of not being happy all the time anymore. and im going to go back to my old self. ha. im happy now. im moveing on with my life.

yeah

.i love you all.

i am grounded for the next two weeks. no getting out of it. goddamnit i need to pull my head out of my ass. fuck. i have come to the conclusion that i hate females. not all of them but most of them. i dont know why you can see whats right in front of you until its gone and then you want to do something about it. . . i mean i can speak something about that with some experiance. and yeah it does hurt to see them together and him not writing me or calling or talking to me anymore... the only thing he does when he sees me now is pat me on the head like i am some fucking 5 year old girl with a crush on an older boy. fuck that ... that is fucked up. but i will eventually get over it. no more monkey business for me. i want someone that is going to be there when i need him... someone that doesnt say he has to focus on the band and then go for his ex. someone that doesnt lead me on and drop me like i was just a peice of shit. yeah ill find it... "maybe he needs some time... afterall it was his first love".....they all say to me... well.... i cant wait forever..... but i probably will but thats beside the fact. you know what i mean?

 and this is him....... look at him... he's.. i dont even know. but i love it. and i dont care what any of you say. . . im not obssesed this is just the first boy i have ever felt like this.... and i know all of you are going to say you have said that before but i am serious this time. . . how long have i liked him? yeah bitches... you know i basically had him and i still liked him so you know its different. goddamnit. i hate feelings. especially these kinds. sometimes i feel like i hate him but the truth is.... i could never hate him. that icon basically explains everything right now. ha. yeah.

sooo.... um while im pulling my head out of my asssss... i hope all of you are doing better than i am.

 i love you all.

<333333333333333333

current mood: cranky

Well. just to let you all know. i am done talking about this boy jeremy. don't you hate when things go wrong? blah blah blah

laskdjflaskdg;laksdglksdg;lskagh;asldkgas

FUCK

current mood: sad

why is it that i keep liking even when everyone knows nothing is going to happen? im so tired of waiting and hearing all this shit between other people and him. fuck. if he really liked me as much as all of them tell me he does ..... wouldnt he make an effort to call me or come and see now that his car is fixed? no .... of course not. ffffffffuuuuuuuuuck. i fucking hate you. but i like you soo much you have no idea. i really wish you would realize things that are right in front of your face. but you dont. i thought alot ALOT about you all day and i think i may have reahced my conclusion based on the help of my friends. i dont think i am going to be seeing you anytime soon. or talking to you......course you could probably give a fuck because you have your "best fucking friend"....... you say you like me alot . . and you would do anything to be with me? but then you say you have to "focus on the band" and i can understand that. but the other boys in the fucking band have girlfriends and they look like their focusing just fine dont they? goddamnit. i feeel like shit. i really wish i could telll you i feel this way. . but i never see you anymore.. . people tell me all this shit and most of it is good. but fuck . i dont know wether to beleive it or not. its like when your with me we're together but when your not with me your with her. i really do feel like shit. now i know how it hurts when you just basically never get to see the person you like alot. i guess im just getting what i dished out huh? yep. sdlaksdglq3lrkhgqkegoshrgoihq3bhq3oghla;skdhglaksdhglkasdhgoidhasgoldfajsdogkhadlkgalsdk

ksdfjhaskdjghk;asjdhgkjsdhg;jkashd;ghas;dkgh

fuckiti'mdone 

current mood: shitty